After going through this burnout, I reread The Courage to Be Disliked, which I had brought from home. I realized that solutions to all the seemingly intractable problems I had encountered at work could be found in this book. Since returning to the workplace, I have also been putting its ideas into practice. I want to write down some of the points that resonated with me most, in the hope that they will be helpful to everyone.
The root of all troubles lies in interpersonal relationships. We feel lonely not because we are alone, but because we feel alienated from the people or communities around us.
To be free, you need the courage to be disliked, even though wanting to be liked is only human.
But whether other people like or dislike you is their task, and you cannot control it. If you constantly pursue others’ approval or seek their recognition, you will always live by their values and be unable to live your own life.
Therefore, the focus should not be on seeking others’ approval, but on continually improving and growing. There is nothing wrong with occasionally feeling inferior, but you should turn that feeling into motivation to improve and use it to drive your personal growth.
Your life is the result of your choices. You need to realize that not changing is also a choice, because making a change requires tremendous courage.
Work is one way to demonstrate your value in society or a community. But if you cannot find a sense of value in a small community, such as a company, you can look toward a larger community and demonstrate your value in a broader world.
Have the courage to change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed; have the wisdom to distinguish between the two.
Do not think about what you can get from others. Instead, think about what value you can offer them.
Build horizontal, equal relationships with everyone rather than vertical ones based on a sense of superiority or inferiority. Even if a company has a hierarchy, you and everyone else are equal as human beings, and you should bravely say “no” when you encounter injustice.
Do not compete with anyone. Instead, strive to continually surpass yourself. Do not compare yourself with others; compare yourself with your “ideal self.” Once you adopt a competitive mindset, troubles will follow. You should regard everyone as a “companion” in the various communities to which you belong.
No matter how difficult a relationship is, you should not run away from it. You should face it courageously. Even if it ultimately means taking scissors to the relationship and cutting it off, you should still confront it. The least desirable attitude is to remain stuck and do nothing.
Do not try to change others or wait for circumstances to change. Instead, bravely take the first step and change yourself. Whether you are improving yourself or building or severing a relationship, you should be the first to initiate change.
Do not live to meet other people’s expectations, and accept that others do not live to meet yours. You should live according to your own convictions.