I didn’t have time at the beginning of this year to write a recap of last year, so I’ll make up for it now.
In 2016, I moved from Chengdu to Hong Kong, and in 2023, from Hong Kong to Paris. Come to think of it, I’ve already been away from mainland China for ten years.
I don’t know whether those of you who have lived in different cultural contexts feel the same way: no matter where you are, you can find some sense of belonging, yet at the same time, you also feel disconnected.
For example, every time I return to Chengdu, I notice how much more widely technology is being used. When my parents talk on the phone about the details of their camping trips, I can’t really relate, because they only started camping regularly after I left. It was the same when I returned to Hong Kong last year: some shops had closed, while others had opened, and Mixue and Yuan Ji Yun Jiao could now be seen on the streets of Hong Kong as well. In France, meanwhile, the sense of disconnection comes more from the frustration of being unable to connect deeply with the submerged layers of the cultural iceberg.
At the same time, though, I can speak the languages of all the places where I’ve lived. I can understand some jokes that only locals would get, and I’m familiar with the mainstream singers, actors, plays, and other cultural touchstones in these different cultures.
We are like dandelions: wherever the wind carries us, that is where we put down roots.
At thirty-three and a half, judging by the average life expectancy for women, I’m only a few years away from the halfway point of my life. Looking back on the past thirty-odd years, my luck has been neither particularly good nor particularly bad. Though I have no exceptional natural gifts, through diligence and hard work, I’ve managed—stumbling along the way—to forge a path of my own.
Perhaps there are always certain periods when women feel lost. The first time I felt deeply uncertain about the future was when I was twenty-seven. Many things converged at the time: COVID, job instability, and the helplessness of being stuck in Hong Kong. Now, at thirty-three and a half, I’ve gone through a second period of feeling lost. After overcoming countless difficulties to switch careers into IT, I now face the threat of AI and the disappearance of junior positions. As for age, although people meeting me for the first time always say I look twenty-seven, my biological clock is indeed constantly reminding me that it’s time to start factoring the question of whether to have children into my plans.
Fortunately, I’m still young at heart. I remain curious about many things, and I’m still a fairly quick learner. Basically, whenever I make up my mind to do something, I can do it. So I remain hopeful about the future.